this guy at my work always wears funky socks and every morning he stands up and rolls his pants up to show us 

like sometimes polka dotted, sometimes checkered,
one time (i swear these were little girls’ socks) this weird cat pattern

but today they seemed pretty normal, just like a plain firetruck red,

until he rolled them up
and up
and uP

AND JESUS CHRIST HE HAS HIS DRESS PANTS BUNCHED AROUND HIS THIGHS WHILE HE POSES IN HIS FUCKIN GTHIGH HIGH RED SOCKS THE WHOLE DEPARTMENT IS PISSING I CANT’

today, after having the same computer for the past two years at my office,
i noticed that the protective plastic screens hadn’t yet been peeled off the tower.

i peeled them off.

fuck yes.

this girl at my work broke her leg and like
k yeah that sucks i get that

but she keeps talking to everyone about how it’s taught her to have patience
because she has to slow down and do everything so carefully now
and how you wouldn’t know how hard simple things are
etcetera etcetera eTCETERA

AND I’M JUST STANDING THERE
POLITELY NODDING WHILE SHE TALKS ABOUT HER LEG FOR LIKE AN HOUR
THINKING K GLAD UR LEG GAVE U PATIENCE LADY
BUT IT DIDN’T GIVE ME ANY

SO SHUUUUUT UUUUUP 

so today is my first day back at work and i only got 2 hours’ sleep last night but holy goddamn am i ever in a good mood, ahaha what the hell. just feels good to be actually doing productive shit again, i guess.

doctor’s appointment tonight, then shopping for soccer gear. our first practice was supposed to be this friday but i guess we got the schedule confused because it’s actually our first game. oops. bit nervous, but ah well.

also i wore my uniform shirt to work today only to find out that apparently we’re in the middle of “re-branding”, so nobody else is wearing them. derp. oh well, apparently i get to wear “real person clothes” for the next little bit, which is suh-weeeeet. 

running on 3 cups of coffee already, bahaha wow. tired but content.

eyyyo tumblr,

meet sam-tryna-get-a-job
and reason-sam-can’t-get-a-job!

derp.

objectively i understand the logic behind the process of handing out resumes,
but god daMN IT does it ever just feel like i’m going up to people like

here u go, this is me on a piece of paper, please like it ok

and them just being like

k bye

the hairdresser called my ears “cute”, heheh.

which is nice because in reality they’re just deformed, bahahaha.

had to try to “tone down the punk” as my dad put it, ahaha.

so far nobody at work has said anything about my new hair though, so.

stoked for tonight!

i’m on this new medication for sleep aid and one of the side effects is increased appetite, which is good for me because i want to put on a little bit of weight, but so far it’s a little bit in my stomach (expected) and a LOT in my boobs?????

and ugh they’re just so like swollen and sore and i’m sitting here at work trying to not like cradle them in agony because wtf ahahaha jesus

this customer i had to talk to this morning probably thinks i’m retarded oh my god i had to ask her to repeat herself like 8 times but i couldn’t help it because her name was PENA LASSO and all i could picture was like a wild wild west-themed cock ring or something with like a tiny rope lasso and oh god it was just awful

if i had succeeded,
i wouldn’t be here right now.
working a minimum wage office job,
9 - 5 every summer.

if i had succeeded,
i wouldn’t have given up acting.
i wouldn’t have given up volleyball, soccer, rugby.
i wouldn’t have changed.

if i had succeeded,
maybe things wouldn’t have gotten so bad,
and my mother would still love me.
maybe. maybe. maybe.

if i had succeeded,
i wouldn’t have lost old friends.
but if i had succeeded,
i wouldn’t have gained new ones.

if i had succeeded,
i wouldn’t have gone blonde.
i wouldn’t have gotten my tattoos.
i wouldn’t ever have liked myself.

if i had succeeded,
i wouldn’t have finished high school.
i wouldn’t have been elected valedictorian,
i wouldn’t have given that speech.

if i had succeeded,
i never would have gone to university.
i never would have seen the atlantic.
i never would have missed the cold.

if i had succeeded,
i wouldn’t have lost old friends,
because if i had succeeded,
they would have lost me.

a coworker just sent me an email about some company shirts i’m in charge of organizing and the subject line of their email is “t-shriTS” and i can’t stop fucking laughing oh my god WHY

k the guys hired to work in the warehouse for the summer at my work are typically either fresh out of high school or still in high school and they all joke and guffaw in the lunch room whenever they’re on break but then as soon as i walk through they all fall silent and their eyes are just GLUED to my butt, like i am looking directly at them as they gawk at my butt and they don’t even care, they are just transfixed by my butt and i don’t even think they know they do it because it’s honestly like they just fall into a butt-trance and then as soon as i leave they all go back to guffawing and i honestly can’t even muster up the energy to be mad because it’s like a litter of pug puppies where it’s so weird it’s cute and idek man i just really want them to get laid or something because my butt is really not that great and i feel like they need to see the world or something because WHAT

a woman in my office says “asshole” like “ass hole”
like, with a pause to indicate that it’s two separate words
and i feel like a fucking idiot but i find it so funny

because like, “asshole” is an insult

“ass hole” is like a body part

and i’m just picturing her yelling at like someone’s actual anus
and oh my god i can’t stop laughing and everyone i work with thinks i’m fucking insane

AND SHE JUST KEEP SAYING IT KJASFHFJKAF

FUCK 

this lady keeps calling into my work, to various people’s lines, and screaming at them. and i don’t mean like yelling words, i mean just like endless bellowing, like just unintelligible garbled rage.

we thought it might be a crank call the first few times, but this woman seems genuinely upset about something and surprisingly persistent, so.

we’re a little confused.